Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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