You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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