Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
