you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
