Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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