I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
