i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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