My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
