I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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