hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Holy sore nipples Batman
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
