I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
