giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
