Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
