you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
