You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
