Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
