idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
