my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
