apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
