ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
