Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize