he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
