I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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