Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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