Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize