i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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