My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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