Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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