just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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