I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
