I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
