Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
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