My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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