Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
