I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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