Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
