I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
