She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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