this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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