he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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