areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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