I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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