We're facebook friends in real life
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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