I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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