I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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