dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
