We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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