Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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