pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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