Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize