i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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